Entitled sister-in-law demands her 10-year-old gets first pick at weekly family dinner party, brother-in-law snaps and puts her in her place: ‘[I used] my thundering voice’

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  • "Entitled SIL trying to rearrange sitting at the dinner table after people started eating"

    Background: we live in the same community as my in-laws and SIL family. Almost every Friday evening we gather at the in-laws for a dinner, that I (43M) and MIL cook and purchase dishes from local providers. SIL, who almost always the last to arrive, rarely contributes a dish or dessert.
  • Tonight: As we were already sitting down at the usual sitting that we've been sitting for quite some time, her youngest (10M) must have said something to her, and she started to make a scene about how it's not ok that I'm sitting at that spot and somebody else at another spot and that she wants us to move so her youngest could have his pick.
  • I, after spending my morning shopping, and the last 3 hours cooking and preparing food, just snapped at her with my thundering voice (not yelling, just booming bass), that if she wants to discuss sitting arrangements she's welcome to come early.
  • SIL reaction? Acted insulted and made a scene about me raising my voice at her. My wife later made me apologies that I raised my voice, even though I really didn't, and took my side about the rest of it against her sister.
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  • Cfwydirk Why do people like your SIL act this way? Because people let them get away with it. Good on you for not putting up with her BS. When the seating arrangement conversation comes up, maybe you need to have the "what does SIL contribute" to your wonderful family tradition conversation at the same time.
  • Dazzling Note6245 I'm laughing at the entitlement that anyone should expect people to move after the meal started. Sil's children are going to be just as rotten as she is if they get their way! yrabl81 OP Her 2 eldest are fine young men, the youngest... Dazzling Note6245 That's so good to hear! There's hope for the youngest!
  • blackcatsadly The best thing to do.in that situation is giggle. Especially if you're a male with a deep voice. "You want ME to move so your kid can sit here, when you both arrived late?? More giggles. After I took the time to plan these dishes, shopped and paid for the food? More giggles. And I spent 3 hours cooking the food? Loud guffaws. If she tries to interject, laugh over her. And if she's still complaining at the end, you can say and what did YOU bring? Followed by more laughter. Revolutio
  • Raynesong92 My dad and my partner are just like this, generally loud. Dad was a fireman so used to having to shout over situations and be heard clearly (when he came home after a shift and they had been at a fire it was amusing but I'd have to wear earplugs to have a conversation coz I have sensitive ears) and my partner is Italian so gets excited and gets a few decibels louder.
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  • Dlodancer She behaved that way because they let her get away with it. If you apologized, then she sees it as her being right and justified by her entitlement.
  • Ginger... Your wife is an AH for making you apologize. Even if you had raised your voice, she freaking deserved it. I wouldn't help your MIL anymore. Tell your wife and SIL to do it. Go late like your SIL does. Maybe your MIL will say something to her entitled child when she doesn't have your help anymore. Tell your MIL that she needs to ask her daughters for help. You will not do all this work and be commanded around like a child.
  • GrumpyPacker Put her at the kiddie table until she can act like an adult and help. If she won't help with the meal, she can do cleanup
  • Knever Statistically speaking, if more than one person has accused you of raising your voice... you probably raised your voice. Some people do not realize how loud they talk. My father has such a voice. I can hear him from one end of the house to the other in his "normal" speaking voice, and our house is not that small. That's not normal.

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